My brother, Jon Wallace

My older brother, Jon, would have been 70 years old today.

He has been gone for 35 years, having died of a myocardial infarction when he was 35 years old.

Wow - I wonder what he would have been like had he lived to this age.

He had 3 little boys and a wife when he died, the youngest wasn't a year old yet.

Now he has 5 granddaughters and one grandson - his namesake!

There a lot of what ifs that come to mind when considering all he missed.

He was a promising orthopedic surgeon in the U S Navy when he died. He was on TDY and in Guam when the heart attack happened. They tried for about an hour to revive him.

What an awful thing to happen.

My heart still goes out to his widow and sons, even though they have all moved on and lived their lives. And for Mom who lost her first born so very young. Losing Jon was hard on the whole family.

Anyway - Happy Birthday to Jon. It is good to remember him today.

(I would put a picture in here if I could scan my pictures - but alas, I have no decent scanner! Bummer..

Trodding - Slowly

Mom was moved to skilled nursing at Presbyterian Manor a week ago Friday.

They allowed her to go back to a normal diet - no more pureed food. It has helped her eat a little more. If she eats half of anything on her plate, we figure she doing really well. Then later after another blood test, they took her off of thickened liquids so she would get more fluid. That has helped a lot. I don't think I could drink glop either!

My precious sister came down from Alaska a week ago Saturday. Boy, was I glad to see her!
Having her here to help clean out Mom's 2 room suite was a God-send! It took us the better part of 5 days, but we got 'er done.

This is just another part of the "Process," I know, but grieving each step is something I wasn't expecting. It's just that we seem to be losing a little more of our precious Mom with each step. And she is losing more and more freedom, because of a body that just doesn't want to work right.

When Mom first got to skilled, they were taking her to meals and everywhere in a wheel chair. Now, she is back to using her walker quite a bit. Glad for that in a way, but it is hard to watch her try to get her feet to move, and to see her body bowed down a bit more. I really hate what Parkinson's Disease is doing to her, but can't do a thing about it.

Mom has been really quiet the last week or so. This after being so very chatty when she was fighting off a UTI. That is probably why she was hallucinating, and was so very weak. It seemed like, on that Thursday, she was at the Gate! But the mansion must not be ready yet, because she is still here.

Having my sis here was a real high for Mom and me. She had to go back home last Saturday so she could work one last week, then retire. Finally. It will be so good to have her done with that period of her life. She has worked all her life, since about 14 years of age. She has been much more industrious that way than I ever was. I am so proud of her for putting in THIRTY years in that lab at the hospital where she lives. That is quite a feat, in my book. Way to go, sister mine!! 

The Vortex

Trying to sleep last night
My mind seemed a Vortex
At the top was all the things I was remembering from my evening with my sweet mother
She was hearing beautiful singing, and thought she saw a bunch of cousins
Many whom she hadn't seen for years.

She commented many times on how wonderful the singing was,
the harmonies were so beautiful.

She even sang a solo the night before in a dream -
and thought she did pretty well.
A friend from ID told her in the dream that she didn't know Mom was a soloist.

Mom wondered if she had done alright.
I assured her the I was sure she did because
it was one of her and Dad's favorite hymns:
"I Come to the Garden Alone."

I helped her get ready for bed and tucked her in -
told her about a thousand times that I love her.
Told her to stay in bed and enjoy the wonderful music.

In my years of learning some hospice things while I worked there,
I read the book, "Final Gifts" - compilation of many hospice nurses'
experiences with the dying, so I was ready for some of Mom's ramblings.

Wasn't quite ready for her to talk to the cousins she saw in the room, but
that's okay. Whatever they said to her, she would smile back.


At the bottom of the vortex, where I found myself, I was surrounded
like a whirlpool of sadness.
Tears come easier right now.

I'm probably waiting for a call today -
either she goes to skilled nursing at the home, or she has gone to
her mansion that is finally finished.
I really pray it is the latter.
She is so ready.
She has lived 97+ years, and now she realizes that she has gotten really old -
in the last couple weeks, she says.

I think the Parkinson's has done enough damage and she needs to be released.
She won't like getting weaker and weaker - her legs don't want to work very well
anymore, and she said her muscles were just flabby hanging there.
She is very thin - hates the new semi-pureed food and thickened liquids she has to take.
She has fallen a couple of times in the past month, and she sits and counts her bruises.

This is so sad. My mother is such a sweet gentle soul, I pray that the Lord will show
his compassionate mercy and take her home gently - and soon. For her sake mostly,
and I guess for mine, because this continual grieving for the mom that used to be is
really, really hard.

Backyard Visitor

I saw this guy sitting on our wire the other night.

After some research, I really think

we had an eagle back there.

A small one, but majestic -

So appropriate for the day after the Fourth!



Here's a Bit of Our Fourth

Good friends, good food, good fun.

Thanks Roger and Leslie!!

The Game Coordinator Extrodinaire!

Playing those games

Name something red, white or blue



The winner had to pop the ballon to find out his prize.

Two other people popped balloons also -

by sitting on them.

A good time was had by all -

And of course the food was excellent!!